Suicide is a difficult subject to talk about. Sometimes we worry that we’ll say the wrong thing, make someone uncomfortable, or bring up something we shouldn’t. But when it comes to suicide prevention, silence isn’t necessarily safer. A caring conversation can make an incredible difference.
One of the most important things I want people to know is this: It is okay to ask someone directly if they are thinking about suicide.
A common misconception is that asking the question might put the idea in someone’s head. It doesn’t. Instead, asking directly can give someone permission to talk honestly about what they are experiencing. It tells them, I see you. I’m willing to hear the hard stuff. You don’t have to hide this from me.
And you don’t have to be a mental health professional to start that conversation.
Know What to Watch For
There isn’t one single sign that tells us that someone is considering suicide, and people experience emotional distress differently. However, we should take certain changes seriously, especially when they are new, increasing, or tied to a painful event, loss, or major life change.
Someone may begin talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, like a burden, or as though they have no reason to live. You might notice them withdrawing from people they care about, experiencing extreme mood changes, sleeping significantly more or less, increasing their use of alcohol or other substances, taking unusual risks, giving away meaningful possessions, or saying goodbye.
Sometimes the signs are obvious. Sometimes they aren’t.
That’s one reason checking in with the people around us matters, even when everything appears fine from the outside.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask
If you’re worried about someone, you don’t need the perfect words. You can simply say:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately, and I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about suicide?”
If they say yes, listen.
You don’t need to solve the problem immediately. You don’t need a perfect response or an inspirational speech. Be present. Take what they’re telling you seriously and listen without judgment.
Don’t promise to keep suicidal thoughts or plans a secret. Help the person connect with additional support, whether that’s a mental health professional, a trusted family member or friend, a crisis resource, or emergency help when necessary.
Most importantly, continue checking in. Support shouldn’t disappear once the immediate crisis has passed.
Small Actions Matter
Suicide prevention isn’t something that belongs only in therapists’ offices or crisis centers. It happens in our homes, schools, workplaces, churches, neighborhoods, and everyday conversations.
It can look like sending the text you’ve been meaning to send.
Sitting beside someone who’s having a terrible day.
Listening without immediately trying to fix things.
Taking someone’s words seriously when they tell you they’re struggling.
Asking the uncomfortable question.
Following up tomorrow.
We often underestimate the importance of letting someone know they matter and don’t have to face a difficult moment alone.
At Heartland Counseling Services, we believe seeking help shows that someone deserves support, not judgment. Mental health struggles can effect anyone, and there should never be shame in reaching out for care.
If you’ve been struggling yourself, I hope you’ll extend yourself the same compassion you would offer someone you love. You don’t have to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.
And if you’re worried about someone else, reach out.
You don’t need all the answers to make a difference.
Sometimes, you just have to be willing to start the conversation.
Need Help?
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or having thoughts of suicide, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 for free, confidential support 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Or, to get a local person to answer the phone 24/7, call our Siouxland Crisis Hotline:
(402) 494-7655 or (877) 958-7776
If this is a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Heartland Counseling Services also helps individuals and families access mental health and substance abuse services in our community.
By Jamie Mackling, MSE, LIMHP-LPC, LMHC, RPT
